I think I’m going to get mad soon unless I talk to Tanja. The problem is that the Chinese SIM card I bought does not seem to send SMS messages successfully although it informs me that the message was sent and the cost of the call to Australia must be quite high since I managed to use all the credit on the card just to basically tell Tanja my new number yesterday. Consequently I can’t contact her (even though I tried a few telephone call shops today (actually yesterday as I’m writing this at 3AM)) and she didn’t call me as agreed. I think I will soon burst. I can’t go on like this anymore…

I don’t know what is happening right now but I have came up with four different plans how to “alter” my original traveling plan even more than I already have. Actually one of the versions would make a complete end to this journey – at least for the time being. You see, the ultimate reason behind me doing this is (or was…) that I didn’t want to regret not fulfilling my big dream of traveling around the world and neither did I want to blame anybody (including myself and my partner) from preventing me doing this. Right now, however, the partner I am doing this for is getting away from me and making the relationship happy in future by breaking it now really doesn’t make sense to me. I love Tanja as deep as a person can ever love someone and if the solution to all this is coming back home than I’m (even surprisingly to myself) ready to do that in an instant. I do need to talk to Tanja first though to be able to decide what to do. I’m sure I would regret I haven’t finished even the first leg of the journey but I would regret even more loosing Tanja, my home and all the other people and animals that live on “our” farm that I love very much too. I can’t even enjoy the journey anymore, which means that I would not be able to write good enough articles for you people out there either.

I was prepared for having to overcome some difficult obstacles on my way and believe me if I still felt that I had loving people waiting for me at home (especially The One person) I think I had more than enough willpower to manage to do anything. But when you reverse the above, meaning there is nothing really wrong on my journey now (except that I don’t meet any other travelers, can’t talk to other people as nobody speaks English and the fact that there have been no interesting sights around for now close to 2000km) but if it is not all right at home I can’t handle it. I mean I could handle it if I was able to talk to Tanja whenever I needed or if I went back home for good if there was no other way.

I’ve been sleeping for a maximum of 5 hours a night since I returned from my short visit home and I haven’t eaten anything in two days as I just don’t feel like it. My stomach and the whole body are bursting with something else. Even today, although I tried to go to sleep soon suspecting the morning light waking me up in the previous days I still woke up at 2:30AM, exactly 5 hours from the time I went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep anymore so I’m writing this.

Is all the above too personal to share with the rest of the world? Yes, I think it is but I need to get it out somehow and since there is nobody to talk to this is the only kind of therapy I have available right now. Sorry for bothering you with that. At the end of the day this is a diary of a traveler that should truthfully describe the highs and lows a person on such a big journey, so here you go… ;-|

(568 km)